EVERY ROSE HAS ITS RECAP

Once upon a time, I emailed a recap of each episode of The Bachelor to my 7-person Fantasy League. A recap they never asked for, but grew to love. Now, I send those same 7 people (jk it's now *11* people because THE SHOW'S APPEAL IS UNIVERSAL, Y'ALL) a link to *this* website. Understandably, it's been an exciting, turbulent time for them-- and for me.  

I'm pleased to invite you, person of the internet, to join us as we celebrate the 3000th season of The Bachelor franchise. Buckle up, everyone-- it's bound to a be thrilling, awkward, and unprecedented season. And while it will be surprising, it will also be entirely predictable- as the show has been using a fine-tuned algorithm since 2002. And like most things made famous in 2002- Kelly Clarkson, Claritin, The Bourne movies, my Sweet 16 at the local Hibachi Restaurant-- I'm never letting go.  

July 1, 2017

First let me begin by saying that 4 hours of Bachelorette content in one week might just be too much. Even for me. Or perhaps it wasn’t the quantity of content, but the content itself. Wowza, this was a rough two episodes. We saw so many guys go home. It was like the (...

June 22, 2017

We begin where we left off, since ABC refuses to properly end an episode anymore*.

*That’s Strike ONE against ABC executives this week and I haven’t even finished m’intro. 

Eric is telling Hilly Billy HatefuLee to keep his name out of his mouth. Seems like a legit reques...

June 8, 2017

We begin tonight's episode with a rare, but naturally occurring phenomenon called a Bro-Pede*.

*Bro-pede (noun) broʊ-pid: 1. A stampede of bros. 2. A gathering of bros walking in one direction. Commonly seen inside fraternities, those weird all-male golf clubs, and the...

June 1, 2017

Welcome back, friends. We begin Episode 2 with another meta moment as Rachel reflects on herself (literally, curling her hair in the mirror), but also on the events of last night. Joined by her dog Copper (with the yet to be acknowledged leg injury), she seems pleased...

May 24, 2017

We open on Season 457 of The Bachelorette with America’s Sweetheart, Rachel Lindsay, taking publicity photos for The Bachelorette. This behind the scenes coverage is pretty trippy, right? We're watching the show take pictures to advertise the show that we're watching...

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