Once upon a time, I emailed a recap of each episode of The Bachelor to my 7-person Fantasy League. A recap they never asked for, but grew to love. Now, I send those same 7 people (jk it's now *11* people because THE SHOW'S APPEAL IS UNIVERSAL, Y'ALL) a link to *this* website. Understandably, it's been an exciting, turbulent time for them-- and for me.  

I'm pleased to invite you, person of the internet, to join us as we celebrate the 3000th season of The Bachelor franchise. Buckle up, everyone-- it's bound to a be thrilling, awkward, and unprecedented season. And while it will be surprising, it will also be entirely predictable- as the show has been using a fine-tuned algorithm since 2002. And like most things made famous in 2002- Kelly Clarkson, Claritin, The Bourne movies, my Sweet 16 at the local Hibachi Restaurant-- I'm never letting go.  

August 11, 2018

Yeah, hi. Sorry this is late. I've been busy/disgusted. I’m not recapping this whole 3 hour not-eleganza depression-extravaganza. Category is: Obfuscating reality.

Monday’s episode was exactly what I feared from the beginning. And it managed to be even worse than I thou...

August 2, 2018

Ok, here’s the truth, the actual truth: I really don’t have much to say about this Men Tell All. You know it’s gonna be a rough night when Chris Harrison leads with a 25-minute Bachelor in Paradise “teaser” and then tells the audience excitedly that “David and Jordan a...

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