EVERY ROSE HAS ITS RECAP

Once upon a time, I emailed a recap of each episode of The Bachelor to my 7-person Fantasy League. A recap they never asked for, but grew to love. Now, I send those same 7 people (jk it's now *11* people because THE SHOW'S APPEAL IS UNIVERSAL, Y'ALL) a link to *this* website. Understandably, it's been an exciting, turbulent time for them-- and for me.  

I'm pleased to invite you, person of the internet, to join us as we celebrate the 3000th season of The Bachelor franchise. Buckle up, everyone-- it's bound to a be thrilling, awkward, and unprecedented season. And while it will be surprising, it will also be entirely predictable- as the show has been using a fine-tuned algorithm since 2002. And like most things made famous in 2002- Kelly Clarkson, Claritin, The Bourne movies, my Sweet 16 at the local Hibachi Restaurant-- I'm never letting go.  

June 22, 2017

We begin where we left off, since ABC refuses to properly end an episode anymore*.

*That’s Strike ONE against ABC executives this week and I haven’t even finished m’intro. 

Eric is telling Hilly Billy HatefuLee to keep his name out of his mouth. Seems like a legit reques...

June 8, 2017

We begin tonight's episode with a rare, but naturally occurring phenomenon called a Bro-Pede*.

*Bro-pede (noun) broʊ-pid: 1. A stampede of bros. 2. A gathering of bros walking in one direction. Commonly seen inside fraternities, those weird all-male golf clubs, and the...

June 1, 2017

Welcome back, friends. We begin Episode 2 with another meta moment as Rachel reflects on herself (literally, curling her hair in the mirror), but also on the events of last night. Joined by her dog Copper (with the yet to be acknowledged leg injury), she seems pleased...

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